


Squirrels and Cheese Sandwiches

by SifaShep



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SifaShep/pseuds/SifaShep
Summary: Okay, I don’t remember ever posting this Mass Effect fic. This is an early one involving my main Shepard, an Infiltrator named Remy. This is set in early ME1, so both Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams are still alive, and Shepard was with Liara in ME1 (and with Tali in ME2 and ME3)The Normandy crew meet a member of Shepard’s family.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Liara T'Soni





	Squirrels and Cheese Sandwiches

Joker’s voice echoed from the overhead speakers. “Commander, you have a private call from Earth." 

Shepard frowned in surprise; he didn’t have much contact from relatives there anymore. He’d considered Mindoir his home, even if his parents had been Earthborn. "Who is it, Joker?" 

"Some old French lady wants to speak with you. Apparently, I ‘have the brain of a cheese sandwich’ because the FTL transmission isn’t fast enough for her,” Joker answered. He sounded equal parts of pissed off, irritated and impressed. 

_That_ made Shepard grin from ear to ear. The rest of his team exchanged puzzled looks. Ashley Williams glanced at him and said, “We should go, if it’s a personal call." 

He raised a hand. "Actually, I don’t mind if you all stay. If it is who I think it is, she’ll want to meet all of you anyway, or I’m never gonna hear the end of it.” He nodded at the ceiling. “Patch it through, Joker." 

"Patching it through." 

The image of a woman slowly appeared as if made of mist. There was no mistaking the nose or the shape of the face, or the long limbs. She was tiny, even smaller than Ashley, but the ﬁre in her eyes belied her height. 

"Remy Etienne Shepard, you haven’t bothered to call me. Shame on you.” The ghostly image crossed its arms. “We’ve been worried." 

"Your ﬁrst name is Remy?” Ashley repeated. The crew was so used to calling him 'Shepard’ ; Ash had forgotten the commander actually had a ﬁrst name. “

That’s right. Not many people know that.” He shrugged and addressed the woman. “We’re talking now, _Grandmere, nous pas_?” Shepard chuckled and shook his head. “I’ve been a bit busy." 

"Busy? _Busy?_ You sound worse than your father, may his soul rest in peace.” She squinted as if noticing the others for the ﬁrst time. “Won’t you introduce me to your friends?" 

Shepard’s mouth twitched as he ﬁrmly held back his laughter. It was an order disguised as a polite request. "This is my _Grandmere_ , my maternal grandmother, Elisa Charbonneau. _Maman_ , may I introduce Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Doctor Liara T'Soni, Garrus Vakarian, Urdnot Wrex, and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." 

Elisa narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized each team member. Finally, she nodded to herself. "I see that you’re surrounded by good people. Someone has to make sure you don’t kill yourself. I would be quite upset if you did." 

"We’ll all take care of him, Madame Charbonneau,” Kaidan said. _“Vous pouvez compter sur ce que.”_

She looked quite pleased at Kaidan’s statement. _“Je te fais conﬁance, lieutenant._ " 

_"Je comprends, Madame."_

_"Francais?"_

_"Canadien, Madame."_

Elisa snorted, but her lips pursed in a smile. "Well, I’m glad. I’d like to get to know your crew in the future…provided you call me once in a while.” It sounded more like an order than a suggestion. 

Shepard nodded and said, “I’ll do that. I promise." 

"Good. And tell Cheese Sandwich that eavesdropping on an old woman’s conversation is rather gauche. I will talk to you soon." 

Joker sputtered on the line as everyone laughed. Elisa nodded at her grandson, then her image faded.

"Dammit, she knew I was listening in!" 

"Cheese Sandwich?” Ashley managed to wheeze in between words. “Oh. My. God. I’ll never look at lunch the same way ever again." 

"She must really like you, Joker, if she’s already given you a nickname,” Shepard added. 

“At least it isn’t _mon petit écureuil_ or something like that,” Kaidan snickered. 

“What’s a cheese sandwich?” Garrus spoke up. 

“It’s a dairy product between two slices of bread, pretty tasty, actually,” Ashley said. 

“And an ecu-whatever?" Tali asked.

"It’s a rodent,” Shepard answered mildly. 

Joker choked. “You called me a God-damned _rodent,_ Alenko?!" 

"I called you a squirrel. That one’s pretty mild compared to some I’ve heard." 

Wrex shook his head at the banter. He looked like he was recovering from Elisa’s inspection. "That was your grandmother, Shepard? She’s as tough as a female Krogan." 

"Or a female Turian,” Garrus agreed. 

Kaidan chuckled. “I didn’t know you were French, Commander. I thought you were from Mindoir.”

Shepard leaned back in his seat and linked his hands behind his head. He felt the familiar pang in his heart at the mention of his birthplace. The grief had eased with time, but it never went away. Somehow, he managed to keep a steady tone. 

“I was born on Mindoir, but my parents were both from Earth. They signed up to be colonists about ﬁve years before I was born. I’m named after my maternal grandfather, Remy Charbonneau. I have relatives scattered between New Orleans and Baton Rouge." 

Ashley laughed and shook his head at his pronunciation. ” _N'awlins_. Yeah, you deﬁnitely have roots down South. Come to think of it, you have a very slight accent, so slight that it’s very easy to miss if you’re not listening for it.“ 

"It used to be heavier." 

"Oh God,” she groaned. “Please don’t tell me it was like ’ _Ah ga-run-tee_ ’ heavy." 

"Not _that_ bad. I spent a few summers with my Grandmere and Grandpere. My mother wanted me to know my heritage. Garrus, you would’ve liked Grandpere Remy. He was a police ofﬁcer, but you couldn’t tell just by looking at him. He was soft-spoken, but when the job needed to be done, it got done, not matter what it took." 

Garrus nodded and looked impressed. "Sounds like he was my kind of guy." 

"Now Grandmere Elisa…many people thought _she_ was the one in law enforcement. When she was angry, she’d go into a tirade of French and English like you wouldn’t believe. Everyone got out of her way. I learned a lot of curse words from her, much to my mother’s embarrassment." 

Kaiden grinned. "Cajun blood. That explains your 'devil-may-care’ personality." 

Poor Garrus looked confused and Liara didn’t look any better. Tali leaned forwards and rested her elbows on the table. Wrex cleared his throat. "What’s a 'Cajun’ and why does Shepard has its blood?" 

"A 'Cajun’ isn’t an 'it’. It’s a group of people. Think of it like a clan, tied together by language and tradition, Wrex." 

"Ah,” Wrex looked pleased, since _this_ was something he could understand. “So that is the name of your people. Just as Lieutenant Alenko’s Clan is 'Canadian’." 

Kaidan sighed and rolled his eyes, as Ash tried to stiﬂe a giggle. She wasn’t very successful at it. Shepard explained how the French colonized the Americas centuries before, Then he got into the Acadians, the people who settled in the Louisiana delta, of French origin, but with a culture all their own. ”

So…you and Lieutenant Alenko share a heritage?“ Liara asked. "You are…related?”

Kaidan smiled. “I’m Canadian by birth. Shepard’s family actually came from France, a long time ago. The Cajuns are known for their quick tempers, stubborn attitudes, and a great love of life. I’m not surprised you made it through the N7 program and was made a Spectre." 

Shepard shrugged and said, "My dad joked that he wondered what the hell he was thinking when he married my mother. She’d retort that he’d never try anything new without her kicking his ass out the door. She was right." 

Ash laughed and wiped her eyes. "Whew. No one would’ve guessed your family being so colorful." 

"Yeah.” Shepard sighed and sat upright in his seat. “Well, I’ll let everyone know when Grandmere calls again. I’m sure she’ll want to interrogate everyone sooner or later." 

"Looking forward to it, Skipper. Have a good night, sir, everyone.” Everyone echoed Ashley’s farewell and ﬁled out of the room. Liara hesitated, then reached over a put a hand on his shoulder. 

“You miss them, don’t you.” “

Yeah…it still hurts, but it’s bearable.” Shepard managed a smile. “I have another family, here on the Normandy." 

"Just keep remembering that,” Liara said as she kissed him on the forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> Note:I figure Kaidan Alenko knows some French. And he's really polite, considering he's talking to Shepard's Grandmere. (Grandmother), so he uses the formal "vous"
> 
> “Vous pouvez compter sur ce que.” ("You can count on that.")  
> “Je te fais conﬁance, lieutenant." ("I trust you.")  
> Je comprends, Madame." ("I understand, Madame.")
> 
> mon petit écureuil (my little squirrel). Yes. he's calling Joker a rodent, in the nicest way.


End file.
